MUM’S THE WORLD: AN INTERVIEW WITH ENGELIN TEH SC AND IAIN TEH
The mother-son pair work together at Engelin Teh Practice.
BY FOO KIM LENG & ASHUTOSH RAVIKRISHNAN
For most of his life, Mr Iain Teh has been better known as Ms Engelin Teh SC’s son. So, when it came to career choices, the last thing he wanted was to do law. “She’s built such an amazing career and I wanted to do something different by myself. But something must have worked through her nurturing over time,” says the 34-year-old conveyancer, who now works alongside his mother at Engelin Teh Practice.
Mum is an accomplished litigator—among the first three women conferred the title of Senior Counsel back in 1998. But her success came at a price. “I would work till 10, 11 or even later every night and even on weekends, I would be in the office,” recalls Engelin. “But I do not blame anybody except myself because I had a choice. It was a difficult decision which brought a lot of guilt and compromises between the interests of my children and the interests of my clients. There were times when I had my children doing homework in the meeting room next to me just to make sure that they got their work done.”
Iain, the youngest of her three children, would often sit up to wait for her to come home. And when she came back much too late for the young Iain to keep awake, he would go to bed sad and disappointed. When she returned home, although late at night, she would read with them, make origami and sometimes bake with them. It was not unusual for Engelin and the kids to go to bed past midnight. Iain and his sisters (Michele is a lawyer too; Nicole works in a fitness studio) would remain close to Engelin by penning letters and cards.
“When I was young, every time I gave her something, I knew it would be displayed in her office,” says Iain. “It reached a point where so many of my cards were on the table and my sisters came to the office and said, ‘Why are Iain’s cards on the table?’ And they started giving mum cards too.” To Engelin, every card is special. “I would read them again and again whenever I needed respite from the stress of work just to fill myself with the love from my kids.”
Engelin and her three children in the 1990s. She says, “I have the most wonderful kids that any parent could ask for. They are always there for me and I for them.”
Unknown to her children, Engelin has kept all these mementoes, alongside their countless handmade gifts, in boxes in her office. Opening the boxes after 30 years and reading the handwritten notes brought her to tears. As she rifled through the boxes, she kept expressing guilt about not playing a bigger part in their lives. “I wish they didn’t have to miss me so much because of my work. If I could live my life again, it might be very different.”
“When kids make little gifts for you when they are young, you say, ‘Aw, it’s so sweet.’ But the love they felt for me has become more impactful now that I am a family lawyer because I have seen how children suffer during a divorce. Their love for their parents is often placed in a conflict and their expression of love for each parent becomes more guarded and less spontaneous. I feel sad and guilty for the lost time with my kids. I try to make up for it by doing more with them now but it is different."
Hearing this, Iain comforts her, saying “I don’t think it is something to feel guilty about. Being a great litigator does involve some devotion to your craft. You can’t be good if you don’t invest time in it. And as much as you say you should do things differently, that steals from your achievements. There is no need to feel guilty, we have all grown up fine.”
That said, he plans a different path for himself when it comes to work and family life. “Apart from just being a good lawyer, one of my goals is to be a great dad. I have seen some of my clients who are great dads playing with their kids and I get very encouraged by them.” For this reason, Iain has chosen to focus on family and property law. As he puts it, “Doing 100% litigation may not be the path that will take me to where I want to be.”
CELEBRATING MOTHER’S DAY: “The essence of Mother’s Day is the celebration, the coming together because of the mother. It doesn’t have to be pegged to a particular day,” says Iain. The Tehs will celebrate Mother’s Day this year just like they do birthdays and other special occasions. “We will pick a day that everyone is available, and the children do the planning,” adds Engelin.
SAL wishes all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day!
